The stairs by the science hall are surprisingly comfortable.

It had been my dream to be where I am.

Living in a city with lots of books and not knowing anyone.

A mysterious enigma. Slightly antisocial, drinking cup after cup of tea, and getting lost in books for hours. Sure, I wanted to flirt with lots of boys and maybe even break a few hearts, but for the most part I was looking forward to the solitude.

Isn't it amusing how dreams turn into such undesirable ideas?

Now, please, don't get me wrong. I love sitting on campus in a patch of sun, reading ever C.S. Lewis book I brought with me. It's too hot to throw back cups of tea, but I'm sure it'll still be wonderful when it's sweatpants weather. It's more the feelings and ideas behind the dream that I don't recognize anymore...

There are the second glances and prolonged stares from guys in my classes and around campus, but I don't want them! Mostly it's just a frustrating reminder that the one boy I do want is too far away for me to easily see. I don't mind spending time alone, but it's not for the same reasons as before. I don't have any desire to sink into myself, to be "that nerdy, hipster girl who doesn't talk," or even because I'm secretly, deathly shy. I don't, honestly, want to feel invisible.

It's not that I truly care about being seen,
but there's so much to see,
why waste your time trying not to be?