The failing economy leaves little room for Christmas frivolity.

Money is low this holiday season. I understand that everybody is feeling the brunt of this, but I have two little brothers who are young enough to still deserve some kind of Christmas present and I'm just feeling bummed about not being able to give it. At least something small, or a goldfish or hamster, or something...
So I have devised a plan for making some extra money. It involves, well, working directly with people. I will be given assignments, made to dress up in a way that some people hopefully won't recognize me, and I would have to hunt victim's down. Sounds like a barrel of monkeys, no?

Yes sir, this Christmas I am going to deliver Christmas-grams.

What a highly embaressing, degrading, and all around fun job! I would be allowed to be obnoxious and flamboyant and blame it on "the job." The joy of bringing all that seemingly unwanted and unwelcome attention to those receiving my cheer and good tidings would be overwhelming! But everyone, themselves included, would know that they have to simply act like they are accepting them begrudgingly while the true feelings of elation and child-like bliss are coursing through their veins!
OH! WHAT FUN!!

So spread the word, tell your friends, hook me up.
Keenan Korab: Messenger of Joy!

Newton was a jerk.

Oh, Mr. Newton,
must you break my heart?
You pulled my dreams of independent flight
out from under my feet.
Made them crash down
just like that heavy, tasty apple.
And all of a sudden
I feel the weight of the atmosphere,
hoping it won't prove to be too much
for my flightless, human shoulders.
So was it jealousy?
Could you not float as well as the rest?
Was it your lack of grace and adventure
that caused you to invent gravity?

Oh yes, you may call me "tough cookie".

When I was growing up and still on the swim team, there was a coach who asked my itty-bitty mother how on EARTH she had such Amazon daughters. At that point we were all pretty tall, if not average for our ages, and so it wasn't an outrageous statement.
I am now, however, 18 years old and short.
Amazon? Pfffft.

Amazon:
Pronunciation: \ˈa-mə-ˌzän, -zən\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Latin, from Greek Amazōn

Date: 14th century

1 capitalized : a member of a race of female warriors of Greek mythology

Or UrbanDictionary's description:

The widest river in the world. A man-ish female tribe in mythology. An annoying book selling web site.

Thanks UrbanDictionary, thanks.
So I'm a man-ish warrior? Dude, I can totally handle that.

Because I am a fighter. I wear a Betta Fish necklace, not because it was uber cheap and pretty, but because it's beautiful and fierce. They'll fight to the death and look stunning while doing it.
They are the male-animal versions of Amazons.
Good job, Betta Fish boys!

And I might be little, but I've got spunk. Like one of those yappy dogs you just want to punt across the room. I've got it, I'll use it.
I'm a fighter.
I'm quite the tiny Amazon.